Decisions, Decisions

Life is full of tough decisions. Anyone who has truly lived knows this. Every day we make decisions about where to go, what to do and who to surround ourselves with; each of those decisions has a consequence, either positive or negative.

This week, I have made some tough decisions. One of the decisions that I have made is to give up my part time job teaching at the local Community College. I didn't approach this decision lightly or as a result of overwhelming emotion. I had to make a choice to allow myself the space I need to be really, really good at the things that are most important to me.

Some of my colleagues and I had a conversation after school not too long ago about jobs, especially those in education. We concluded that we work in a profession where one can compromise marriage, family, personal commitments and even health only to be told that it wasn't enough. We are told we could have done more, said something else, made one more phone call and the list goes on. Or, we can step back and say, "hey, this is a job. I am paid to do it." Sometimes we have to draw a line in the sand for the sake of our sanity.

I don't ever want to see my position as a teacher as "just" a job. What I do has meaning; it has value. Sometimes I'm not sure where that value is, and other times I know I did something that matters. I've found myself disappointed in a lot of the results that I have been getting at both jobs, and something tells me that I'm not giving enough of myself to either of them. Splitting myself benefits no one, especially (selfishly) me. If I'm looking at my future and I see a family, I want to have time to be really great at being a mom just like I want to be really great at being a teacher. One can only stretch themselves so thin before something snaps. Something had to give. I have to get back to me: the reader, the writer, the amateur photographer and the happier person I used to be. I think I'm taking a step in the right direction, even if it was a tough call to make.

I can be terribly non-confrontational when it comes to some things, but choosing myself in this instance was not one of those times. I chose my family, I chose my free time, I chose my hobbies.


I chose myself.