Friday, June 3, 2011


Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting throught the wind
Wanting to start again
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in
Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing
Katy Perry, "Firework"

I'm having a tough go of it right now. I'm not going to lie; I feel stuck in a rut. I've spent so much time going to college and taking classes to advance in my field but so far it hasn't gotten me anywhere. My husband and I are ready to move to a bigger place and toy with starting a family. I've thought about and researched PhD programs close to home and some that would require us to move. I can't decide what I want to do. I can't decide what I need to do. I don't know what the next step is, and it's driving me crazy. I'm a planner. I like to know what happens next when I've completed a task, and I like to know so I can prepare. I hate feeling unprepared and what's worse is not having a plan at all. I'm feeling restless and the only place I can seem to find solace is in a book. Isn't that ironic? I don't know how to deal with that particular feeling either; it's soothing and frightening all at the same time.

I know this post seems like a hodge podge of "poor me"; maybe it is. I have so much on my mind that I can't seem to sort out the way I usually do. I just need to find my way out of this rut before too long. Any ideas?

1 comment:

rblack4612 said...

$ is my idea. You need a lot to get the phD and/or move. Start saving now. Good luck.