Disconnected

That's how I'm feeling right now. I want so desperately to feel connected to something...anything! I've fallen out of touch with my blog (and thus the 8 people who "follow" it). I'm in the throes of finishing grad school (yippee!!) but am exhausted with the workload. There are so many changes going on in my life that I feel apart from it...

Does that make any sense at all?

I usually like to post things are happy or positive or exciting, but that just isn't me right now. I'm in a place that feels dark, but not necessarily scary. I think that maybe I'm just in a transition where I'm not sure where to go from here. Work has been really stressful lately in terms of the kids getting antsy for their summer vacation (and the teachers too!). Testing is about to start which means training and odd school hours and shifts and duty schedules and it all makes me want to scream! I am so on board with the things my colleague writes over at Box of Chocolates (see the blogroll and check it out). Sometimes I really envy her commitment to writing on her blog and sharing what's going on with work and life and such.

I think I'm getting a glimpse of a precious moment in my life where I can slow down and reflect on what has gone on in the last few years of my marriage and career. Let's hope this time is fruitful and prompts me to write more and be more transparent.

Vacation

Johnathan and I are running off to Asheville, NC for a long weekend starting tomorrow. I am SO excited about getting away for a few days and hanging out with my love :)

We are staying at Hotel Indigo downtown, which is close to lots of shopping and eating (hello, two of my favorite things to do!). This may be the first time we get to sleep past 8 or 9 on a Saturday morning in quite sometime, between my traveling with various band programs and miss Macy getting up on a schedule. The joys of having an inside dog ;)

I am looking forward to our little getaway. To be honest, I feel like we've earned it. We have been through so much since Christmas with Johnathan's diagnosis, surgery, recovery and chemotherapy regimen that for once we may actually feel like a normal couple for a few days. Don't misunderstand me; I'm definitely not trying to be a martyr. Johnathan has done incredibly well with everything that has been thrown at him in the last 3 months.

In some ways, I think I'm still trying to process everything that has happened, and by being crazy busy with work and grad school and band I've managed to distract myself from what's right in front of me. Fortunately, I'm working through all of the feelings I'm having and definitely think this vacation will give me a chance to relax and unwind.

I'm excited, and hopeful.

....

And there I was, thinking I was making progress...

Ok, so a quick update: my percussion ensemble won the bronze medal at our indoor championships last weekend. Yay! I'm so proud of those kids; they have come such a long way in 3 seasons. This also makes me a two-time award winning percussion instructor...that's right, two years in a row!

My internship is going well, I'm logging hours now by building a web site for our district's AIG program. Talk about putting my tech skills to the test! I'm excited about the opportunity to do something that will really be helpful for teachers and parents across our county.

Obviously, I'm a little scattered today :)

But I wrote!

Reasons that I love my husband

A little sap never hurt anyone, right? There are so many things I love about Johnathan and I'm feeling like making a list of them right here as part of my writing (almost) everyday:

• He's cute, even when his hair is a mess first thing in the morning.
• He sees the beauty in our everyday life, even when I don't.
• He doesn't think I'm crazy and he isn't ashamed of me.
• He's one tough cookie; he has dealt with his colon cancer like a champ :)
• He doesn't do jealous, but he does do protective.
• He makes me laugh, smile and cry (sometimes all at once!)
• He pushes me to be my best.
• He gets a geeky grin on his face when he's talking about things he loves, or when he's plotting some kind of surprise
• He will be an amazing father one day
• He loves me in spite of who I am
• He packs my lunch for work every day
• He lets me watch my junk television on weekends when we're home together

I love you Johnathan!

must...make...this...work

My struggle with writing everyday continues :(

But, I'm getting closer I think. I have a lot going on outside of this "try to write everyday" business, but I usually embrace a challenge, so I'm going for it.

Tomorrow at my school is going to be CHAOS. We had a big fundraiser and the students met their goal, so my administrators are dressing like (drumroll please.....)

Cheerleaders (and ps all three of them are male)

We'll see how that pans out. Good thing I put in for personal leave tomorrow afternoon; I can only imagine what kind of madness will develop as the day goes on. Though I must admit, I will be attempting to take as many photos as possible before I leave.

I had a really great experience with 2 of my students this morning where I was able to direct each of them to a book I thought they would like. It was so much fun to talk to them about what they like to read and then make a recommendation. I can't wait to see what they think about the suggestions I made. How great will it be to talk about common books with my students that they read of their own volition?

I remember in those moments why I wanted to teach English in the first place. I guess sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own paperwork and grades and meetings and deadlines that we forget (temporarily) the magic of literature and language that is available. Sometimes, I think school can squash all the education out of a building. But we'll get there, if we continue to push both ourselves and our students. I think this struggle is worth the effort!

And already an epic failure...

So I resigned myself to writing every day for a month. And already, I've blown it.

I wrote my inspiring "I'm going to write" pledge, and then went completely silent for DAYS.

Sigh. Can I get a do-over?

Maybe working on this through National Blog Post Month (NaBloPoMo) will help keep me accountable on a Ning. Who knows? I'm already frustrated. I don't want to give up, but at times I don't feel like I have anything to write about.

And then, I tell my students that's an impossibility. I tell them to write over and over on their papers "I don't know what to write. I don't know what to write..." with the knowledge that inevitably they will find something else to write to break the monotony. Maybe I should try my own tactics and strategies instead of whining.

I have a lot on my plate right now: trying desperately to finish my grad school internship, getting my act together for the principal's add-on program I want to join, worrying and taking care of Johnathan, oh and there's that pesky teaching thing I do for 8 hours Monday through Friday. I should probably take care of that, too ;)

I ran into an old friend from high school over the weekend whose blog I follow. It was so nice to see her and talk for a few minutes. We have both had personal struggles and have commiserated somewhat online, but it was nice to see her face to face, even if it was just for a few minutes.

I think maybe tomorrow's topic will be my rant about high school and growing up. Because tomorrow, I will write again :)

Renewed Vision

Ok, I'll admit it: I left this poor blog, which I put so much of my time into designing, out to dry. I ditched it. I felt like I had nothing to write about that was worth sharing.

So, I'm sharing now: a colleague next door at work is participating in a Slice of Life writing event at twowritingteachers. I read her blog, and I'm hooked. I want to be that dedicated to writing again. There was a time in college when I was hopelessly devoted to writing, and I want to get back to that place, and then get better.

This is my new vision. I may not always write about the most exciting things, but I'm going to write. Every day.

EVERY. DAY.

Because somewhere in all of this madness, in the teaching and band instruction and graduate school, I'm still a writer. I just need to find her again.